


Left Up the Stairs

by HeroMaggie



Series: The Crazy Adventures of Gia and Maggie in Kirkwall [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: A Feel Better Fic for Gia, Discussion of Smutty Fics, Do NOT Grab Fenris' Ass, Fleeing in Terror and Other Fun Things, Gia & Maggie Know All About Kirkwall, No Set Relationships Yet - Freeform, Self-Inserts Can Be Cracky, cursing, fluff - pure cracky fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 14:33:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5251856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroMaggie/pseuds/HeroMaggie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is called a "pure indulgence" for my friend Gia - who has had a rough time recently. </p><p>Gia and Maggie had been napping on the Jersey Shore...blissfully unaware that something had changed. They fell asleep in Jersey but woke up on the Wounded Coast. Now they get to meet people they write about, coo over them, and perhaps find the start to a wild adventure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left Up the Stairs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [draco_illius_noctis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/draco_illius_noctis/gifts).



> This is going to be an episodic series. The Adventures of Gia and Maggie. This is written to be strictly a feel-good piece. For the writer AND the reader.

It was the sound of the waves that woke Maggie. Instead of the steady curl and froth she had been sorta hearing for the past who knows how long it was a more jagged crash and suck...like the surf against rocks. Which was odd as the stretch of beach her and Gia had passed out on had no rocks to speak of. Propping herself up on one arm, she surveyed the surrounding area, blinking a bit in the sun. She gazed out to the water, blinked again, and sat up all the way.

“Gia!”

“Gah!” Gia came awake violently, sitting up and flailing out. “Wazzat? Was there a guy?”

“No. No men. No. We have a problem.” Maggie turned to stare at Gia. “First off, I’m sunburnt - I fell asleep in the sun. Secondly...where the hell are we?”

“We’re...um.” Gia looked around. “Um. You don’t look that burnt.”

“I can feel the singed skin. But that’s neither here nor there. Where are we? Why are there rocks? What’s up with that demolished ship?” Maggie threw her arms out. “Oh good. My bag. We have our bags. And our towels. We’re not completely adrift…”

“You might have sun poisoning.” Gia stood up and moved over to the edge of the rocky beach they were on. Peering down, she squinted. “There’s another ship down here. It’s like a giant ship graveyard.”

“Delightful. This doesn’t look like Jersey. At all.” Magge got up and started rolling her towel. “Unless Jersey had a sudden change of scenery.”

“Think there’s a town nearby?” Gia was turning in circles. “Maybe a hot man who can help us out?”

“I’d take an ugly man.” Maggie shoved her towel into her bag and began to fuss with Gia’s. “Oh! Try your phone.”

“Good idea. Yes. The phone always knows.” Gia nodded. She pulled out her cell phone, pressed a button, and frowned. “No service.”

“No service? Where has no service? We’re on the Eastern Seaboard. The entire coastal region is populated.” Magge was started to breathe heavy. “We’re lost.”

“We’re on the beach.” Gia pointed out.

“We’re lost on the beach.” Maggie wailed.

“We’ll walk up the path and see what happens. Can’t be worse than staying here.” Gia grinned. “It’s an adventure.”

“This is worse than getting lost in Arlington Cemetery.” Maggie was moping as she pulled on her sundress and sandals. “I’m sunburnt and lost. Well...then I was wet and lost...in a cemetery.”

Gia huffed a laugh. She pulled on her own sundress and sandals, grabbed her back, and then started up a narrow trail. “Come on you. Let’s see what we see.”

Maggie dragged her feet a little, nabbed her things, and followed. She was pretty certain the only thing they would find was more sand.

***

“This is worse than the beach!” Gia was panting next to Maggie.

“This is shit. Shit I tell you. What’s up with the dog packs? Why do those guys have swords? Is that an arrow that flew over our heads?” Maggie was screeching as she ran, her short legs churning quickly.

“We are so toast.” Gia screamed, zigzagging a little to throw off the arrows.

“We are going to die.” Maggie wheezed. “Oh my God, the gym didn’t prepare me for this.”

“Survival instinct. Run faster.” Gia advised as the both took a curve on the path.

Maggie glanced back over her shoulder to see if the dogs were catching up. When she turned back to face forward it was just in time to run into a chest. Full tilt into a very hard chest.

She did the one thing that seemed appropriate and screamed.

Gia’s scream faded off with hers. They looked at each other and then at the people they had run into. “Holy shitballs,” Maggie whispered.

“Fuck me.” Gia squeaked.

“There are still arrows!’ Maggie whimpered in a panic. She tried to pull away from the arms holding her but found herself picked up and twirled around.

“Mage. Take her.” Maggie gave a loud squawk as more hands nabbed her. Eyes wide, she watched as blue light filled the air and Fenris streaked towards the bandits chasing them.

“Varric!” Gia let out an equally loud squawk as she was thrust at a dwarf. “Catch!” There was a gleeful laugh and then Garrett Hawke joined in the fray.

Maggie looked over at Gia. “He’s taller than I expected.”

“Oh. My. God.” Gia was gibbering.

“Pull it together.” Maggie snapped at Gia.

“Do you even know who’s got his arms around you?” Gia was trying to untangle herself from Varric. “Come on, put me down already.”

“No can do, Hawke said to catch and I caught.” Varric was watching both of them with wide eyes.

Maggie wiggled around and looked up, swallowed, and glanced over at Gia. “Holy shitballs.”

“You said that already.” Gia was grinning. “You look like you’re going to puke.”

“If you wake me up from this dream, Gia, I will murder you. You hear me? Murder you.” Maggie gave the warning and then threw herself bodily at Anders, who staggered and went down in a tangle of limbs.

Gia had managed to get loose from Varric and went to stand over Anders and Maggie. “Are you ok? Do you need me to help?”

“You go leer at Hawke. Stay away from the feather mage.” Maggie hissed and tried to sit up.

“Feather mage? I like it.” Varric nodded. “Who are you two? How do you know...us?”

“Wait. Wait wait wait. Dogs...bandits...big crashing waves.” Maggie gazed at Gia who made a face. “Ew.”

“Kirkwall.” Gia nodded.

“Ew.” Maggie said again. “The Tevinter shithole city. We couldn’t have ended up in...I don’t know…” Maggie glanced at Gia. “Help me out here.”

“I’ve always wanted to see Antiva.” Gia turned to watch the fight...or what was left of it. “I’m going to marry that man.”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “And I’m going to get...ah…” She realized she was still tangled up with Anders. “Hi.”

Anders grabbed her shoulders and rolled them so that she was on the ground. “Who are you?”

“That was so cool. Gia...Gia...I’m underneath Anders. Take a picture.” Maggie blinked, her entire face going blank when Anders leaned in closer and snarled a bit.

“Hmm? What?” Gia was watching Hawke fight. “You alright down there?”

“Who. Are. You.” Anders had his face pressed near Maggie’s. She was sure he meant it to be intimidating but she was staring into his eyes.

“You are so beautiful.” The words just popped out of her mouth. “Can I hug you?”

Gia snorted.

“Oh my god. That was supposed to be internal talking.” Maggie groaned and went limp. “Just let Fenris do his magical fisting thing on me now. I’m dead. Gone. An idiot.”

Gia was giggling. “You’re hilarious. You’re underneath Anders and that’s what you say?”

“Is anybody going to tell me who you are?” Anders was glancing between Gia and Maggie.

“I’m Gia. That’s Maggie.” Gia gave a wave before turning back to watch Hawke finish up the fight. “Is he taken? Please tell me he’s single.”

“Who? Hawke? Yeah...he’s single. Why?” Varric was backing up a bit from Gia.

“I’m gonna marry that man.” Gia said on a sigh.

“Not to put a crimp your plans to molest Hawke, Gia, but...um...you know, there’s a rock digging into my bladder. This is uncomfortable. I need some help here. I can’t believe I’m going to say this but can you not be on me right now?” Maggie gave Anders a wide-eyed look. “Cause...my bladder hates me.”

Anders’ lips twitched. “Where are you from?”

“Well...how to explain…” Maggie wiggled, shoving at Anders’ shoulders...who did not move. “Fine, fine. But if I pee blood later I’m blaming you.”

“I can fix that.” Anders wiggled a hand, wisps of magic curling around his fingers. Gia’s eyes snapped to his hand while Maggie bit her lip.

“That is so cool.” Gia gaped. “Look at how it just...that’s…”

Maggie was busy trying to inhale the wisps of magic. “Smells kinda like...ozone.”

“So the fade smells like ozone?” Gia blinked.

“I bet it smells like whatever you want it to smell like. Only off. You know, like air freshener that says it smells like apples but it really smells like somebody who has never smelled an apple made it?” Maggie had gotten an arm free and was gripping Anders’ wrist. “So cool.”

“Mage, why are you on top of that woman?” Fenris’ voice cut short the sudden discussion of fade smells.

“Er. She hugged me.” Anders was giving Maggie a very sheepish grin.

“Are you two...are you two together?” Maggie’s eyes lit up. “Tell me you are. Tell me!”

Fenris was making sputtering noises. While he sputtered, Maggie heard Gia coo, “I’m Gia. And single. And you’re hot.”

“That’s her pick-up line.” Maggie was gazing at Anders while shaking her head. “That’s it. She dreams about this guy for...for...I don’t know. Months. Years? And her first words to him are that.”

“It’s a good opening. Honest.” Anders said while sitting up. “So she’s what,into Hawke.”

“I believe she wants, no wait. We just met. I’ll keep the dirty commentary to a minimum for now.” Maggie stood and groaned. “My sunburn has bruises. This is the last time I fall asleep in the sun.”

Fenris crowded into her personal space and Maggie beamed at him. “Who are you?”

“Maggie. That’s Gia that’s currently...um...oh my.” Maggie’s words trailed off at the sight of Gia smooching Hawke. “She just met him. I mean, she says three tiny sentences and then just...bam. Kissing.”

“Concentrate.” Fenris nabbed her chin and turned it to face him. “Where are you from?”

Maggie blinked into bright green eyes and swallowed. “We were in Jersey at the beach asleep. When I woke up we were here. We aren’t due any eclipses. We don’t have anything magical floating about. Neither of us are wiccan. And we don’t know what happened.” The words spilled from her. “Please don’t magical fist my heart. Can I give you a hug?”

“No.” Fenris let go of her chin.

“Please?” Maggie pleaded.

“Why?” Fenris was glaring at her.

“Because I think it’s terrible about Danarius and really, you have every right to fear magic and mages. And the way you live in that falling down mansion is just heartbreaking and...I just think that if you could get a hug every now and then it would help on some tiny little level. Also cake.” Maggie tried for a smile.

“Hug her.” Anders whispered. “That was beautiful.”

“He’s right, Broody. Beautiful.” Varric piped up.

“You’re next, Varric. And Bianca is so much more amazing in person.” Maggie crooned a bit at the crossbow.

“I like her. She’s good people.” Varric said with a nod.

“I like this one. She gives kisses.” Hawke was holding on to Gia - who looked like she was swooning. “And she’s cute.”

“This one is cute.” Anders said.

“I am not...oh bother. I’m cute.” Maggie said, her entire face dissolving into a pout at Fenris. Fenris sighed and nodded once - much to Maggie’s joy. She threw herself at him and hugged him gently, nuzzling against his breastplate and making happy noises.

“She is...cuddly.” Fenris was wrinkling up his nose. “And short.”

“I’m not that short.” Maggie muttered, squeezing Fenris. “You’re...wow. Those are some muscles.”

Fenris hummed. “So where is Jersey?”

“On the coast north of Pennsylvania...you know what? It’s not in Thedas.” Maggie let go of Fenris and very nearly purred before turning big eyes on Varric who simply grinned.

“How did you get here again?” Anders asked as Maggie rushed over to hug Varric, who chuckled.

“We fell asleep at the beach.” Gia said. “Good Lord, you two are almost the same height.”

“Shut it, Gia. I’m communing with this chest hair. And these arms. And these shoulders.” Maggie was cuddled up against Varric. “I should write more Varric smut.”

“You should do what now?” Varric’s face was filled with shock.

“Mm. Yes. Though it would require a break from the fenders….that was an internal thought that was said out loud again.” Maggie looked up at Gia, who was laughing. “Oh haha. You want to tell them about the handers smut you write?”

Gia shut up.

“You two are writers?” Varric frowned a bit when Maggie pulled away. “And you write...smut?”

Maggie was back to cuddling against Anders, her face filled with bliss. “I write romantic adventures that include smut. And...um…stuff. I’m cuddling my favorite people. This is the best day in my entire life. I have hugged Anders. I can die happy.”

“You are so funny. Seriously. A hug and you can die happy? Oh you are so telling Anders what you wrote about.” Gia said, leaning back against Hawke. “Or I will.”

Maggie glanced up at Anders. “I don’t wanna.”

“What?” Anders was looking confused.

“Maggie.”

“Gia.”

“She writes…”

“Oh my fucking god. I got this yen to put you in a corset and then Fenris wanted in the story too and then there was smut and fucking and corsets and your entire wardrobe was shredded by the broody elf but it ended happily so you know there’s that.” Maggie inhaled, counted to five, and exhaled.

“You wrote a story about me in a corset?” Anders was blinking.

“I approve.” Fenris spoke up. “Tell me more of this story.”

“Hah!” Maggie grinned.

“Son of a bitch.” Gia sputtered.

“We should go back to Kirkwall. You two can stay with me. I have room.” Hawke said with a gesture. “Besides, I bet Woofy is lonely.”

At the name Woofy, Gia’s entire face lit up. “You named your dog Woofy?”

“Yeah.” Hawke said, nabbing her hand. “Do you like dogs?”

“I love dogs!” Gia gibbered happily.

“I like cats more.” Maggie said to Anders, who perked up. “I have three.”

“I like you. Even if you did put me in a corset.” Anders beamed.

Fenris took up the spot next to Maggie. “So tell me this story you wrote. You said Anders was in a corset? Just a corset? What was I doing to him? Do not mince words.”

Varric hummed. “Speak up so I can hear as well.”

Maggie glanced up at Anders. “If it makes you feel better, Meredith got shanked in the story.”

Anders glanced down at Maggie, pursed his lips, and then coughed. “Well then. For that, I’ll wear a corset. I’ll even do a dance.”

“Right well. I hope it’s the spicy shimmy because we have theories on that. Anyways, iIt all started with a house full of slavers and Hawke…”Maggie said as they walked behind Gia and Hawke, heading back to Kirkwall.

***

“Kirkwall is amazing.” Gia was gazing around, eyes wide. Of course she was also clinging to Hawke’s back while he walked, so looking was all she was doing. “Lookit all the stairs.”

“I’m looking.” Maggie groused, frowning at yet another set. “I hate them.”

“It’s so cool.” Gia said again, resting her head on Hawke’s shoulder. “I could live here.”

“They don’t have toilets.” Maggie pointed out. “They don’t wash their hands. It smells like Los Angeles.”

“What does. Kirkwall?” Gia crained her head back to look at Maggie who was starting to trail a bit behind the group. “Kirkwall smells like LA?”

“Yeah. This...funk. Ass funk.” Maggie glanced up at the sky. “Bonus, sky here is not yellow.”

“The sky is yellow where you are from?” Anders glanced at her.

“Only in LA and parts of Orange County. Ok. Smog and pollution.” Maggie stared at the next set of stairs and made a sad noise. “My knees hate me.” Inhaling, she set her shoulders and went to start up the next set.

The let out a squeak of terror.

“This is uncomfortable.” She was dangling over Fenris’ shoulder.

“We would like to reach Hawke’s mansion today.” He rumbled. “Quiet.”

“I am awfully heavy.” Maggie groused, staring down at the ground. Fenris’ ass caught her attention and she tilted her head and then glanced up at Anders. “How do you not just grab his ass all the time?”

“A deep seated fear of his magical fisting ability.” Anders shrugged.

“Point.” Maggie said, trying to decide what to do with her hands. If they dangled down, they started to go numb. If she lifted them, her shoulders got sore. She glanced back up at Anders who was laughing. Slowly, she reached down and grabbed Fenris’ butt.

Her scream made everybody stop.

“Do not do that again.” Fenris said, hoisting her a little higher.

“I’m sorry. I apologize. Please don’t smack my ass again.” Maggie returned to mournfully drooping over Fenris’ shoulder. “I think you broke something by the way.”

“You touch her again and I’ll beat you up.” Gia called.

“Is she shaking her fist? She shakes her fists when she gets mad.” Maggie opted to cling to Fenris’ belt instead. “Is this better? I really am sorry.”

“Just do not put your hands lower. We have just met.” Fenris came a sudden stop. “Ah, we are here.”

There was the sound of a door opening and then copious barking. Gia let out a scream of joy. “Woofy!”

“Wow...I’ve never seen anybody throw themselves at the dog like that before.” Hawke was laughing.

“Oh my GOD! LOOK AT YOU!” Gia was cooing. “Who’s the handsome doggy? You are! Yes you are!”

“She really likes dogs.” Maggie was still dangling over Fenris’ shoulder. “Are you going to put me down?”

“Do you wish to stay with your crazy friend and Hawke?” Fenris turned around and Maggie made a noise of distress. “Do not vomit on me.”

“Eugh.” Maggie waved her hands. “Gia! Gia...GIA!”

“What?” Gia looked up from her cuddling. “Yeah?”

“Fenris has asked if I am staying here.” Maggie shrugged.

“Where else would you be? Darktown is a no, Maggie. You’ll get lost. You know you will.” Gia stood up, hands on her hips.

“We can take her with us.” Anders said. “I probably need to heal her hip anyway.”

“I think he broke something.” Maggie moaned. “My hip hurts. My back hurts. And I am still sunburnt. Also...hi Woofy!”

“Do you want to go home with the broody elf and possessed feather mage?” Gia was grinning.

“Do bears shit in the woods?” Maggie was grinning as well. “If this is a dream, swear to god, I never want to wake up.”

“Well. You’re what, around the corner and up some stairs...make a left and it’s the disheveled door with ivy?” Gia had walked over and was petting Maggie’s hair.

“How did you know?” Fenris swung around and Maggie started squirming. “Stop moving.”

“Don’t DO that.” Maggie mumbled. “Anders, help!”

“I’ll take her, Fen.” Anders was laughing.

“I’ll take her.” Varric was grinning. “I want to hear more stories.”

“No.” Fenris and Anders said together.

“I like this dream. This is a good dream. I never want to wake up.” Maggie was babbling as Anders helped her down. “I can totally walk. See...on my feet. No more shoulders. That is a terrible way to travel.”

“You sure?” Anders was looking her over.

“Hee.” Maggie giggled. “Ok. Gia. Do NOT do what I think you’re going to do. You hear me? Say no. Talk. Actually talk to him.”

Gia hummed. “I make no promises.”

“I will...I will…” Maggie scrunched up her nose. “Be very upset.”

“Says the woman going off with two men.” Gia teased.

“I’m going to talk to them!” Maggie poked Gia and then grinned. “But really, I should stay with you.”

“Aww…” Gia laughed. “Come here.”

“Seriously. You’re my only friend here.” Maggie hugged her. “Don’t...you know. Don’t go off and get lost or something. Say no to Qunari. Don’t talk to Chantry folks.”

“You will see her later. We are just going to get clean up and sleep.” Fenris said dryly. “Besides, there are no Qunari anymore.”

“No Qunari? You know what that means, Gia?” Maggie raised her eyebrows and Gia made exploding noises, much to the groups confusion. “And I’m not talking to you. You smacked my ass.” Maggie said primly.

“You grabbed mine.” Fenris raised an eyebrow.

“Are you staying with me?” Hawke was making puppy eyes at Gia.

“Yep! Now show me the house! Can we play with Woofy? Is Sandal here? I want to hug Sandal.” Gia waved at Maggie and bounced into the house, closing the door behind her.

Maggie glanced at the three men standing with her and shrugged. “So...I can cook.”

Anders laughed and gestured. “Come on. Let’s go to the mansion. Varric, see you later?”

“You know the group will want to meet them. Play nice.” Varric waved at Maggie. “I expect more stories, you hear me?”

“Loud at clear,” Maggie said. She grinned up at Anders and Fenris. “Come on. If this is a dream, I want to enjoy every last second of it.”

Fenris shook his head and headed off to the mansion, Anders and Maggie in tow.

Out on the coast there was an impish giggle, a slight distortion near the coast, and then a flash of light.

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found on Tumblr as Warriormaggie


End file.
